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Friday, January 17, 2014

Thou Shalt Not Blog Tour

Luke Harper was finally starting to settle into his life - a life that had previously been full of more heartbreak and pain than most people ever experienced. He had a job he loved, and was blissfully content in his on-again, off-again relationship with the striking, and highly sexual, Holly. But, life throws Luke another curveball with the arrival of the alluring April, a woman stuck in a tumultuous, violent marriage to a famous athlete. Luke soon finds himself torn between what is safe, familiar, and right, and what is dangerous, unknown, and forbidden.

4 out of 5 Stars

Single man, married woman, and a f*** buddy. Recipe for disaster? Or recipe for a fantastic read? Well truthfully that will depend on you. This is was not my type of read, that is not to say I did not enjoy every frustratingly deliciously wrong moment of it. I like my stories a little bit more cut and dry, and maybe because I am married the whole married woman having an affair thing just does not sit well with me, so maybe this is not a happily ever after type of read (depending again on how you look at things) but it was so well written and engaging that I could not stop reading it, even when I was so angry with the characters and just wanted to give up on them, I could not. I HAD to know what was going to happen and how things were going to turn out. I did not know who I was rooting for, I actually think I flip flopped between the two woman a few times. AND the ending??!?! What the heck was up with that (yes I know you probably have no clue to what I am referring to) the very last sentence left me dumbfounded and frantically trying to have my iPad magically have more pages appear.  So if you are looking for a good book, with a "theme" you do not see everyday then Thou Shalt Not is for you. 

AND if you have read it.... my lack of contractions in my review was a nod to Luke 

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My eyes may or may not have closed for a moment or two when I heard the classroom door open. The sound seemed to come from a faraway land and jolted me upright.
  "April," I said, hoping she hadn't realized I was dozing.
  Who was I kidding? I was sure she had.
  "Luke," she said, walking toward my desk.
  It was more of a saunter, and it was slightly sensual.
  Maybe it seemed that way in my head. But, April looked even sexier than she had earlier in the day when I had entertained my teacher fantasy.
  Her lipstick was a fierce red, and it matched her fingernails. I hadn't noticed them earlier, only her lips. But now, the red seemed more vibrant. It stood out against her pale skin.
  And I could have sworn she had undone one of the buttons of her white blouse.
  Damn, I think I might be waking up.
  "Did the putrid pupils run you from the lunchroom too?"
  "No," she said, stopping at one of the student's desks and placing her hand down on it. "I actually lost most of my sense of smell as a child."
  My face surely registered shock.
  "Oh my god, seriously?" I asked, unable to hide my incredulity. "I'm so sorry."
  Stupid, insensitive me. Always chewing on my feet.
  April just stood there for a moment, looking a little sad and contemplative.
  Then she started laughing.
  "Of course I'm not serious," she said. "Those kids smelled like rotting fish."
  I just shook my head and ignored the fact that she made me feel guilty about her little ruse.
  "We have tried to start to a petition to keep the kids from having to run miles before defiling the lunchroom. No such luck yet."
  "Well, you will absolutely have my signature on that petition," she said. "But, I will need a pen to sign it. Which brings me to the reason I'm here. I need to borrow a pen."
  Nice segue.
  "First you try to mock my sense of compassion, and now you want to borrow my stuff??"
  More head shaking.
  I scoured my desk for an acceptable pen. I had a habit of chewing pens and pen caps, when I  didn’t have toothpicks available.
  I couldn't see a single good pen on my desk.
  I opened up the drawer and searched. Nothing.
  There was a table behind my desk, mostly covered in papers. I turned around in my chair to look there.
  Finally, I found a Bic that appeared to be untouched by my teeth. It actually looked new.
  But what a boring fucking pen. I was mildly embarrassed. As a teacher, I took a little pride in the supplies I had in my room. I always seemed to find cool versions of everyday classroom items. My stapler looked like the skull of a T-Rex, mostly because I was obsessed with Jurassic Park.
  And, now, the prettiest woman in the building was asking me for a pen, and the best I was going to be able to give her was a boring-ass Bic.
  "This is all I've got," I said, turning back toward her. "It's just this stupid..."
  April hands were resting on the front of my desk, and she was leaning over it toward me. She had absolutely unbuttoned one of her top buttons, and her shirt hung open slightly. I could see down her blouse, the tops of her breasts visible. I couldn't have resisted staring even if there had been a gun to my head. I'm sure my eyes got big. And I was sure she noticed.
  "A stupid what?" she said, lowering herself onto her arms, giving me an even better look had I been looking.
  Which I obviously was.
  "Uh, just this plain Jane Bic," I said, forcing myself to look at her face.
  God, her lips were amazing. I wanted her red lips on every part of my body.
  Fuck, I was getting hard.
  "What was wrong with these?" she asked, gesturing toward the few mangled pens on my desk.
  She hadn't moved from her position. If someone had walked into the classroom, they would have seen her bent over my desk.
  The view might almost be as good as this one.
  Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts.
  "I have a bad habit of chewing my pens," I admitted. "It's not something I'm proud of."
  She feigned horror.
  "Bad Luke," she said. "Certain things belong in your mouth, but I'm pretty sure pens don't."
  "Well, this one hasn't seen my mouth, so you're in luck," I said, handing the pen over.
  She stuck her tongue out at me as she took the pen, her hand seeming to linger on mine ever so slightly.
  God, her hand was soft.
  God, her tongue was long.
  "I didn't know people over the age of six still stuck their tongues out," I said.
  "I have two small children," she reminded me. "I stick my tongue out all I want."
  She did it again. But this time she took my pen and laid it across the tip of her tongue.
  She smiled, and I swear she curled her tongue in, pulling the pen toward her lips.
  I never imagined this in any teacher fantasy of mine. But, holy fuck.
  I could see lipstick on the pen.
  Luckiest Bic ever.
  Then, she took the pen and slid it into the side of her mouth, long ways, like the world's luckiest toothpick. Or dick.
  Yeah, my mind definitely wasn't thinking toothpick.
  "Thank you Luke," she said, pen still in her mouth. "I'll bring it back to you when I'm done with it."
  I just nodded. Words weren't going to come out coherently.
  She stood up straight, stretching her arms back and pointing her chest in my direction.
  If I were a teenager, I would have already masturbated ten times to this fantasy. I will later masturbate ten times to this fantasy.
  "God, I'm tired," she said. "Maybe I'll come visit your couch after school."
  She smiled again, her eyes dancing. Then she turned and walked out of the classroom.
  The bell rang. And I was rock hard.

JJ Rossum traveled the world as a child, and called many places "home". Currently, home is Portland, Oregon, where he is at work on other novels that were hatched while people watching during many airport layovers.

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